Letter to my First BORN! The ONE who made me a Mother!
To the Little Boy, who stole my heart and taught me that I have never cared or loved anyone with this intensity before!
Growing up we gear ourselves up to achieve various milestones may it be college degree, job in one of the best organisation, a flourishing career or being married, but what we are not ready for is being a PARENT; The Joy! The Surprise! The Responsibility! The Love!
On July 9th, 2019 I found out I was pregnant with you. You caught me by surprise! We were just back from Europe, after about 45 days, with your dad's work travel. The days that were filled with extensive excursion; long walks, hikes, cycling, hopping cities and countries, and to know I have been carrying you all through was extremely terrifying yet Blissful! A lot had happened in those couple of months and a lot more was destined to happen in such little time. We were moving to not only a new place but altogether a new country - to our FIRST home together. Figuring out and adapting to new ways of a different country with varying requirements was in itself quite daunting. I was scared as to what life had planned for me. But in my heart? My dream was being fulfilled; in the whirlpool of life Allah (the Best Planner) has destined me with Motherhood. If I’m to be honest Little Boy… I was terrified of being your mama. The whole pregnancy ordeal was scary, the stories I had heard of friends and family were making me jittery, but Boy O’ Boy you were such a blessing - my pregnancy went by in a flash; no morning sickness, no laziness, no exhaustion MASHALLAH.
Carrying you; I moved from Pakistan to London, settled into a new home, learnt the new way of living abroad and sometimes living alone. Travelled to USA, multiple flights and road tripping! In all this you were a sport, every night I used to count my blessings and the list was pretty much you... My Sunshine.
On March 9, 2020 I welcomed you into the world. Just holding you in my hands took away all the terror of past 24 hours of labor and there you changed my life forever in the best way possible. You have not only made me a mother, you have made me selfless. I who was so passionate about her career paused it, as all I want now is to watch you grow everyday, familiarize yourself to world around you, capture your every babble, sitting up for the first time, turn upon on calling your name, your hilarious laughing episodes, your million dollar smile, your intrigued gaze, in-short each an every phase of your growth however minor or monumental it is.
You are a blessing we’ll cherish forever. A gift we adore and love spending time; the cuddles, incomprehensible conversations, your dance moves, your crazy laughs, our walks, our travels in-short everything about you. Baby you have been the most perfect addition to our life from the instant baba held you in his arms and sat beside me in the operation theatre. You completed us and made us our better versions.
Lastly Hamza, I haven’t always had answers to everything and I will probably never have all the answers. However one thing is for sure, you can always count on me. As you grow up I imagine myself more of a friend to you than your mother however there would be occasions when I might turn into one. I may not always allow you to go out, you may not always be allowed sleepovers with friends, I may be particular about your studies and physical activities, this all may often be overbearing for you, and we may agree to disagree on certain things or everything, however, always know that I shall always do everything in my power to give you the best.
If there is anything that I can teach you and would want you to hold on to forever is: learn to always be yourself and love yourself for who you are. Birds of a feather don’t always flock together, and you should be Hamza Abdullah no matter who stands beside you. Always remember if you are lucky enough to be DIFFERENT don’t ever change. Life can get ugly and it can be cruel but there is nothing in this world that can change the Little Charmer that you are. You are everything mommy and daddy have always wanted, and there is nothing about you we would change and there is nothing about you, YOU should ever want to change. Mommy Love You!